Posts tagged " motherhoodmoments "

On the Gift of Aloneness

July 15th, 2016 Posted by Tabula Rasa No Comment yet

I don’t remember what it felt like to be alone. To go to bed alone, to wake up alone, to make plans for the next year alone, to go to the bathroom with the door closed and alone, to spend as much money as I want, to drive to nowhere for hours, to go to bed past midnight without stressing out, to watch entire seasons of TV shows in a day.

I haven’t been alone in so long, that tonight, after putting my son to bed, I was at a loss. Having longed for an evening such as this for some time, I thought I’d do all those things I keep wanting to do. Write, read, stare at the stars, talk to friends, watch pointless television. I stood in the midst of the living room staring at the mess for a while. I cleaned it up, as usual. In the kitchen, a day’s-full of dishes begged to be put in the dishwasher, and a sweaty, smelly me needed a shower.

But wait, that’s exactly what you do every day, I said to myself. This is your chance, this is your night to be alone, to do all the things you want to do just like you used to do them. You don’t have to take a shower, wear a bra, cook tomorrow’s lunch that noone will eat. You don’t even have to write a post, because this is your alone night. You can even eat cheese curlz and drink wine out of the bottle, and nobody will know.

An hour passed. I sent an email to a friend. And here I am, writing to thousands of strangers and friends, as I do every chance I get. Because obviously, I no longer really long to be alone.

And even though I will pour the wine into a glass, I will totally devour the cheese curlz.

(Note: Husband has not deserted the family, he’s out for a drink with friends.)

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“Pieces” is the winner of the silver medal at the 2017 Independent Publishers Awards (IPPY), and a finalist at the USA Best Book Awards and International Book Awards.

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All proceeds from the sales of "When Clouds Embrace" will go to Giving for Greece, a foundation that works to help the hundreds of unaccompanied refugee minors in Greece.